Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
