Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
