The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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