wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
