I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
