Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
