omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
