Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
