Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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