I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
