from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
