sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
