I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
