I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
