Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
