I think I won the penis lottery.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
