dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
