I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
