it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
