If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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