we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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