I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
