Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
