this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
