the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
