Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
