Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
