tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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