Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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