We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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