are you so shy because you have an std?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
