I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have post one night stand depression
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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