My liver just broke up with me...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Houston, we have a blender
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
