My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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