Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
