he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
