shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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