Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
