God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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