So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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