Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
