I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
