i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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