im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
