just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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