no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
