At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize