i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Found the puke drawer
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
