Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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