It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
