I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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