You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
