I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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