He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
