so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Found your dick twin last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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